Afraid of Rejection? Feeling Not Good Enough? This Will Help.

It’s exactly 7:00 in the morning when a message appears in my inbox. A woman I’ve been coaching asks if she can share something urgent - something that couldn’t wait. She hadn’t slept all night. I pour myself a cup of coffee and start a video call. Her tired eyes appear on the screen, saying more than any introduction ever could.

This video is created with the help of AI so I can share this in languages I don’t speak natively.

Three days earlier, she had met someone. Or more precisely: her taxi driver. He’d taken her home late at night, and the conversation had been easy, warm, unexpectedly kind. He’d asked her out. And now she wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. Not because she didn’t trust him - but because she didn’t trust herself. What if he doesn’t like me? she asked. What if I say yes, and then feel stupid for believing it could be something good? After everything that had already happened, maybe it was safer not to hope at all.

Not out of disinterest, but with intention, I gently shifted the conversation. I asked how things were going with leaving her job - the thing we’d been talking about the last time we talked. Unfortunately, not much had happened yet. She wasn’t sure anyone would actually want to hire her. Who would pick me, she said softly, when there are so many others who are better, stronger, clearer?

And when I asked about the party - the one she’d been looking forward to for weeks - she hesitated. “I had other things going on,” she said quickly. Then paused. “Actually... I just wasn’t in the mood. And when I feel like that, I know other people don’t really like having me around. That’s probably why I didn’t go.”

By now, it’s probably clear. This woman struggles deeply with a fear of rejection — and she’s far from alone. Self-doubt. Shrinking in comparison to others. It’s something many people deal with, even if some manage to hide it better than others. And in more extreme cases, it doesn’t just shape behaviour - it erases it. People stop showing up. Stop trying. Stop letting themselves be seen.

Because the fear of being rejected can be incredibly strong. And it becomes even harder to face when someone starts blaming their past for it. When they say things like, “It’s because of what my parents always said,” or “It’s because of what that partner did to me.” As if what happened back then is still fully in charge now. As if they’re still the same person they were years ago - untouched by growth, change, or self-reflection.

But let’s be honest: the fear of rejection doesn’t come from the past.

It may have started there.

but now… it’s time to let go.

So the real question is: What exactly are you letting go of? And how?

Because if you knew that…

you probably wouldn’t be stuck in the fear anymore.

People often think the way out of fear is to build something new - like self-confidence or self-worth. And in a way, that’s not wrong. But most of the time, that’s not the way. The real path isn’t about adding something. It’s about letting something go.

What exactly?

The belief that you're good at predicting.

And the habit of generalising.

People with a fear of rejection are often extremely busy inside their own minds, running through every possible thing that could go wrong. But what they don’t realise is this: they are the worst predictors in the world. Truly terrible.

Imagine you have to run a quick errand to the grocery store. But before you leave, you mentally scan through all the possible disasters. Not once - but three times. You might forget your keys. A flower pot or roof tile might fall on your head. You could trip and break your leg, be unable to work for weeks. The food you buy might cause food poisoning. You might forget your wallet, or say something weird to the cashier and spiral into shame. Go ahead - run through that loop three times. Or better yet, lie awake all night playing it over.

Still feel like going out? Of course not.

And yet, that’s what people with rejection anxiety do. Every day.

And when it comes to generalisation - their memory is razor sharp. They remember everything. Like that one time, five years ago, when a cyclist had to swerve to avoid a car and nearly hit them. And now? Every cyclist is a threat. Every walk to the store is a high-risk operation. As if every single cyclist on every street is about to dodge a car just as you happen to walk by.

And when you call it out, the argument is always the same:

“Yeah, but I’ve already had three bad dates, so this one probably won’t go well either.”

Really?

As if three dates is enough to predict a fourth?

I couldn’t predict the next date if I’d been on a hundred.

Because every date is its own story. Just like every person. Every interview. Every opportunity.

The same goes for job interviews. Even after hundreds of rejections, you still have no idea what might happen next. Because every moment stands on its own — no matter how many came before.

Our ability to predict was never meant to be used like this. It’s something we developed to protect ourselves from real danger - like knowing to run when someone charges at you with a knife. That’s a true threat. But if you’re already running before there’s even a knife in sight, maybe it’s time to stop predicting. Just… don’t.

If you really want to doubt something, start by doubting your ability to predict the future. Because let me tell you - there’s a 99.9% chance that you absolutely can’t.

And now imagine this:

You stop predicting.

You stop generalising.

And still… things don’t go your way.

You get rejected for the job. The date doesn’t go well. Someone doesn’t choose you.

Even then - let the rejection stand on its own.

It’s not part of a pattern. It’s not proof of a story.

It’s just this one no.

And this one no has nothing to do with the ones that came before it.

Rejection doesn’t say anything about you.

It says something about what someone else needed.

And you can’t - and shouldn’t - be what everyone needs.