Executive Coaching Reddit: What Do Leaders Actually Use a Coach For?

People searching for executive coaching Reddit are rarely looking for another coach explaining why coaching is valuable. They want to hear from executives who have actually worked with one. What did they use the coach for? Did it improve their decisions or merely give them an expensive person to talk to? And how do you know whether you are using an executive coach properly?

Those are fair questions.

Anyone can call themselves an executive coach. The internet is full of impressive websites promising transformation, authentic leadership, executive presence and sustainable high performance. But those phrases tell you very little about what happens when you sit down with a coach and put a real problem on the table.

A recent discussion in Reddit’s leadership community began with a refreshingly practical question. Someone’s employer was paying for an executive coach. They were working on executive presence and giving better recognition to people, but wondered whether they were using the coaching arrangement correctly.

The answers came from coaches, mentors and people who had worked with coaches themselves. Some were thoughtful, others promotional and a few openly sceptical. Taken together, however, they reveal something useful: executive coaching becomes valuable when it moves beyond abstract development goals and enters the messy reality of leadership.

What do executives on Reddit actually use a coach for?

The short answer is not “growth” or “reaching their full potential.” Those are attractive words, but they are too broad to guide a useful conversation.

The executives in the Reddit discussion described concrete situations: making decisions that affect an entire organisation, managing a difficult boss, preparing high-stakes conversations, navigating internal politics, restructuring teams, improving executive presence and preventing themselves from becoming the bottleneck in a growing company.

One participant, who said they run a company with approximately $12 million in revenue, explained that they use a coach when they are stuck on something that affects the entire organisation. Examples included changing compensation, moving someone out of a role and restructuring a team. The value was not generic personal growth, but avoiding an important decision being made in isolation. They also paid for coaching for senior people because clearer thinking resulted in fewer emotional decisions and fewer unnecessary escalations. That is a much more concrete description of executive coaching than most coaching websites provide.

Another contributor said they used a coach to clarify goals, role-play scenarios, develop strategy and gain perspective. Someone else used coaching to work out how to manage their boss and the particular dynamics of that relationship. These examples may sound tactical, but the conversation usually becomes useful when the coach looks beneath the immediate situation. Why is this conversation being avoided? Why does this person’s behaviour have so much influence over you? What assumption are you treating as a fact? What are you afraid might happen if you make the decision you already know you need to make?

That is where executive coaching starts to differ from ordinary business advice.

Executive coaching is most useful when you bring reality into the room

Leaders sometimes arrive at a coaching session with a polished development goal because that feels professional. Improve executive presence. Become more influential. Delegate better. Communicate more effectively.

There is nothing wrong with those goals, but they remain meaningless until they are connected to actual behaviour.

One Reddit contributor recommended defining what “better” should look like within ninety days and identifying two or three observable behaviours to practise. For executive presence, that might mean how you open a meeting, how you challenge someone without becoming defensive or how you summarise a complex discussion. For recognition, it might mean giving specific feedback every week and explicitly connecting someone’s contribution to its impact. Without that translation into behaviour, the coaching risks becoming a series of pleasant conversations about improvement. The Reddit comment calls for concrete experiments and regular evaluation.

I agree with the need for concreteness, but I would add something.

Behaviour is not always the real problem. Someone may struggle with executive presence because they have learned to make themselves smaller around authority. A leader may avoid giving recognition because they believe excellent work should speak for itself. Someone may micromanage because checking every detail temporarily calms their own anxiety.

If coaching addresses only the visible behaviour, it may produce a technique without changing the reasoning underneath it. That is why I prefer clients to bring the situation that is actually occupying their mind. The decision they keep postponing. The conversation they are rehearsing in the car. The colleague who triggers a disproportionate reaction. The success that looks good from the outside but no longer feels right.

Not the polished version. The real one.

A safe conversation outside the organisation

Senior leaders often have many people around them but very few people with whom they can speak completely freely.

Employees may interpret uncertainty as weakness. Colleagues can have competing interests. A board may expect certainty before the leader has had space to think. A partner at home may listen with love but not understand the business context. Even trusted advisers can be personally invested in a particular outcome.

One Reddit contributor described executive coaching as a safe external space for subjects that are difficult to discuss with colleagues, managers or team members. These might involve considering another job, balancing work and private life, feeling insecure about a decision or navigating a situation that could easily be misunderstood inside the organisation. The value lies partly in being able to explore nuance without internal political consequences.

That only works when confidentiality is clear.

This becomes especially important when the company pays for the coaching. Who is the client: the organisation or the person being coached? What information is shared with HR or the employer? Are goals reported? Are patterns discussed? A coach in the Reddit thread argued that the coachee remains the client even when the company pays the invoice and that individual conversations must remain confidential. Without that safety, complete honesty becomes almost impossible.

These agreements should never remain vague. They need to be discussed before the coaching begins.

Reddit often calls three different kinds of help “coaching”

The Reddit answers sometimes appear contradictory. Some people describe an executive coach as someone who gives advice, shares business experience, opens their network and provides practical solutions. Others describe a coach as someone who asks questions and helps clients reach their own conclusions.

They are not necessarily disagreeing about what good support looks like. They are using the same word for different roles.

A coach helps you examine your own reasoning. A mentor shares knowledge and experience. A strategic sparring partner challenges your thinking and is willing to offer a direct opinion. All three can be valuable, but confusion begins when the role changes without being acknowledged.

I have explained this distinction more fully in Executive Coach Amsterdam for entrepreneurs, founders and leaders. For the Reddit discussion, the important question is simple: when someone describes what their coach does, are they really describing coaching, mentoring or strategic advice?

Executive presence is not learning to look important

Executive presence appeared repeatedly in the Reddit discussion, but it was rarely defined.

That is a problem because executive presence can easily become an invitation to perform a stereotype. Speak more slowly. Lower your voice. Take up more space. Dress differently. Appear more confident. One Reddit participant observed that women are sometimes told to improve their executive presence when what is really meant is that they should conform to a narrow and often male-coded image of leadership.

Real executive presence is not theatre.

It is the ability to remain clear when the room becomes uncertain. To listen without disappearing. To disagree without turning every disagreement into a fight. To make a decision without pretending you have absolute certainty. To communicate boundaries without unnecessary aggression. And to create enough trust that people tell you what you need to hear, not only what they think you want to hear.

This connects directly to what I call Silent Authority.

Silent Authority is not passive leadership and it does not mean remaining silent. It means that your influence does not depend on dominating meetings, loudly advertising achievements or repeatedly proving that you are the smartest person in the room. Authority grows from clarity, consistency, judgement, integrity and the courage to act when it matters.

For entrepreneurs and leaders who also want to become recognised for their ideas, Silent Authority Thought Leadership coaching takes this one step further. It helps develop and communicate a distinctive point of view without turning someone into a loud personal-brand influencer. The goal is not to say more. It is to have something worth saying and express it clearly enough that people begin to associate the thinking with you.

What the disappointing Reddit experiences have in common

The negative experiences shared on Reddit have a clear pattern. Some clients describe sessions that remain pleasant but vague. One participant said that a previous coach had functioned mainly as a sounding board and offered little else. Others warn about abstract goals such as “executive presence” never being translated into observable behaviour or meaningful change.

That does not mean an executive coach should constantly provide answers. Giving too much advice can prevent clients from developing their own judgement. But coaching should create movement. After several sessions, something should have become clearer, more honest or more workable.

Reddit also contains plenty of replies from coaches promoting their own approach. These can still contain useful insights, but they should be treated as professional opinions rather than independent evidence that a particular method works.

I have written separately about how to assess an executive coach, including personal fit, recommendations, publications, rates and duration. For this Reddit analysis, the most important test is simpler: can you identify what has changed in your decisions, conversations or behaviour since the coaching began?

How to use an executive coach well

The original Reddit question asked whether there is a correct way to use an executive coach. There is no universal format, but there are ways to make the work much more valuable.

Bring one real situation

Do not spend the entire session discussing leadership in general. Bring the decision, conflict, meeting, relationship or recurring pattern that currently matters.

Decide which mode you need

Are you asking the coach to help you find your own answer, or do you want advice based on experience? Both are legitimate, but coaching and mentoring should not change places without being acknowledged.

Make vague goals observable

Translate “better communication” or “more executive presence” into situations and behaviour. What would you do differently? Who would notice? What would become easier?

Discuss what is underneath the behaviour

Do not stop at technique. Ask why the pattern exists and what it protects you from. Otherwise, a new communication trick may disappear as soon as pressure returns.

Do something between sessions

Clarity becomes useful when it changes a decision, conversation or action. Coaching should not exist only inside the coaching hour.

Evaluate honestly

After several sessions, ask what has actually shifted. Are decisions clearer? Are you behaving differently? Has the issue become more workable? If not, put that on the table.

Is executive coaching worth it?

The most honest answer is that executive coaching is worth it when the quality of the conversation improves the quality of your decisions, behaviour and leadership.

For someone responsible for a company, team or major budget, one avoided mistake can be worth considerably more than the cost of coaching. But price alone does not prove value. An expensive coach can still waste your time, and a free conversation can sometimes change your direction.

Executive coaching can be particularly worthwhile when:

• you carry significant responsibility but have nobody with whom you can speak completely openly;

• an important decision keeps circling without becoming clearer;

• growth is turning you into the bottleneck of your own company;

• feedback about your leadership keeps returning in different forms;

• stress, frustration or exhaustion is affecting your judgement;

• you are avoiding a conversation that you know needs to happen;

• business success is creating increasing friction in your private life;

• the direction that once motivated you no longer feels right;

• working harder will not solve the underlying problem.

You do not need to be failing to benefit from executive coaching. Some of the most important coaching questions emerge precisely when everything appears successful. The outside world sees growth, status or achievement, while internally you have begun to wonder whether you still want what you worked so hard to build.

That is not a productivity problem. It is a clarity problem.

Executive coaching, Reddit and the question behind the question

Searching for executive coaching Reddit is a sensible way to look beyond polished sales pages. The discussion shows what executives really bring to coaching: high-stakes decisions, difficult relationships, organisational politics, executive presence, delegation, work-life tension and the need for an independent perspective.

It also shows what people distrust: vague goals, generic programmes, coaches who merely listen and conversations that never change anything in the real world.

But Reddit cannot determine whether a particular coach is right for you. That requires a conversation. Pay attention to the personal connection, but also to the quality of the questions. Does the coach bring you closer to the core, or simply give your existing story more room? Can you be honest? Can the coach challenge you without trying to dominate the outcome? And is there enough movement that continuing makes sense?

I work with entrepreneurs, founders and leaders in Amsterdam and the surrounding area, from my location in Aalsmeer and online. Face-to-face remains my preference in most cases because you often notice more quickly what a conversation is really about. Depending on the question, the work may take the form of executive coaching, strategic sparring or Silent Authority Leadership Coaching.

If a full coaching session feels like too large a first step, you can begin with AI Ben, my voice-based AI conversation partner for business, leadership, difficult conversations and personal clarity. It is not a replacement for a real coach. It is a practical way to articulate what is actually bothering you and prepare the question you may need to bring into a real conversation.

Frequently asked questions about executive coaching

What do executives use a coach for?

Executives use coaches to examine high-stakes decisions, leadership behaviour, difficult relationships, communication, executive presence, delegation, organisational politics and the personal pressure associated with senior responsibility. A coach also provides an independent and confidential place to think.

Is executive coaching worth the money?

Executive coaching can be worth the investment when it leads to better decisions, changed behaviour, clearer communication or fewer costly mistakes. Its value depends on the coach’s quality, the personal fit, the relevance of the issue and the client’s willingness to be honest and act between sessions.

What should I bring to an executive coaching session?

Bring a real situation that currently requires clarity, such as a difficult decision, a conversation you are avoiding, a recurring leadership problem or tension between business and private life. Concrete situations usually produce more valuable coaching than discussing leadership in general.

Is executive coaching confidential when an employer pays?

Confidentiality arrangements should be agreed before coaching begins. In a sound coaching relationship, the content of individual sessions remains confidential even when the employer pays, unless other reporting arrangements have been explicitly agreed in advance.

How do I know whether executive coaching is working?

Executive coaching is working when important issues become clearer and that clarity affects decisions, conversations or behaviour. Progress can include making a postponed decision, handling conflict differently, delegating more effectively, reducing emotional reactions or gaining direction about business and personal priorities.

Should I trust executive coaching advice on Reddit?

Reddit can provide honest experiences, useful questions and warning signs, but its answers remain anonymous and highly personal. Comments from executives can reveal how coaching is used in practice, while comments from coaches should be treated as professional opinions rather than independent proof. Use Reddit as a starting point, not as the final basis for choosing a coach.